I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
