a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
