I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
it's like iHOP with fire
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize