so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
