I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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