if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
