You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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