Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
So squirting runs in the family.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
