Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
