I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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