how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
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This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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