i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
