honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
