Your mouth is God's brothel.
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
