the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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