So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
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Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
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