I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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