Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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