I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
