apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
