Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
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