So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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