It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
