if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
