Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
worst night to have a conscience
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
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