I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
