He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
