We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I puked a lego.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
