Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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