omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
He shit in the fireplace
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
