So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Randomize
