Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
