Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
