Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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