zippers are such a cool invention
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
