We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize