you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
