I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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