I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The air was thick with penises
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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