During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
