I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
