erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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