Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
