You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
