i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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