Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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