She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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