I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize