HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
