Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
