ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
