What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
