So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
