I'm lost and stupid without you.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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