I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
