Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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