wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
