the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
