Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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