3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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