I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
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