I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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