I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
