You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
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I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
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Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
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