I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
