That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
