she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize
