I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
