im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
