i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Who did Billy Mays play for?
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
