dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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