there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
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you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
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steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
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