So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
