so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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