If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
