Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
pray to the hookup gods
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
