worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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