you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
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The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
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