We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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