No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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