SEEEEXXX PLEASE
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
