hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
did i just pee glitter
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
