planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My day in three words: secret purse cake
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
