so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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