There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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